rant.

Stereotype:

A lot of churches these days are trying to be "relevant" to the culture, and reach the "new generation". Okay, so this in and of itself is not bad. I've been looking at websites of hip and cool new churches, and also of other churches that are making themselves over, so to say.
Guess what?
Its still a white men's club.
Senior Pastor: man
Deacons: man
Elders: man
Youth Pastor: man
children's ministry: Woman! THAT is where women can minister! In their place with the children!

Side note: Of course I know of the exceptions to these cliche's. But most churches that have women as leadership outside or kids, youth, singing, and womens ministry, and inside of eldership, deaconship, or head pastoral staff are seen as on the edge of bad doctrine, and possibly even supporting feminism. *GASP* Clarification: I am NOT a feminist! I am also not a man hater! I am, however, a woman who has worked in ministry and is called in ministry, and it is almost impossible to TRULY be taken seriously in today's American conservative Christian culture. Sure, you'll see women on home pages for church websites. They will even be considered leaders. But WHO makes the big decisions? You know who.

Look, i'm not trying to stir up hate. I just had an observation that even in today's culture where church wants to be relevant and new and attractive, there are still the core issues that stay the same, and that won't adapt to cultural changes. New words and cool t-shirts, and tattoos and faux hawks don't cancel out what your philosophy really is.

you & me

I meet you.
I like you.
You like me.
I get to know you.
You get to know me.
I like you more.
You like me more.
You kiss me.
I like you more.
You get to know me more.
I get to know you more.
You love me.
I love you.
I finally know you.
You finally know me.

But wait.

You can't handle me.
I'm not who you thought I was.
I still love you.
I take down your pictures.
You're happier with out me.
I know you.
You don't know me.

Repeat until you die.

dare

I dare you to love everyone with out judging; with out assessing the value of their sin; with out deciding if they are a bad influence on you.
I DARE you to do what love is, and prefer them over yourself. Do it with out the fear of approving, enabling, or contributing.
I dare you to love the sinner, with out worrying about what the sin is.
I dare you to not judge: to not place a value of punishment on the "sin" committed.
I dare you to lay down your life for your friends.
I dare you to throw the first stone.
I dare you to love.
I dare you.

I'm dead.

If you want to know how to live, first you must die.

who...?

I saw a picture of myself today that I wasn't expecting to see. It wasn't a bad picture; actually it was probably one of my better ones. And though it was only 6 months ago, the me in that picture is not the me I am now. So as I looked at myself, I had the thought, "i miss you", and "you don't even exist anymore".
It's a weird feeling to have.
In that picture there are parts of me that are now dead, or dying a slow, painful death. Its the curse of memory.
However, there are parts of me in that picture that were yet to exist, and that couldn't exist without the death of the parts I thought I loved. And honestly, I think I really did love those parts legitimately.
But now I'm someone different.
I guess basically what I'm saying is that I need to learn to appreciate myself now, just in case I die again. I don't want to end up missing myself again.

Rant

Dear blog world,

Here is yet another thought or rant that I'm going to spew into cyberspace to my readership, which to my knowledge is one man who is often bewildered almost to the point of irritation by my writings, so I don't know why I do this.

I am no super-christian. I am not a great christ-follower. In fact, the more I get to know Christ, or what/who I think Christ to be the more I realize I know nothing, and sometimes even less than nothing. There is my disclaimer.

PS my thoughts are scattered today.

I have been thinking lately about what loving God means. I'm almost irritated. People do all sorts of nice things for other people in the name of loving God. I don't know about you, but if I was in a crisis and needed someone, and received help, I would feel their help was cheapened when I learned they were helping me "because they love God". Oh, great. I'm getting they're sacrifice, and it wasn't even for me, it was for someone else. I bet I could find a pagan in the world that has no knowledge of "God" and would help me because of their care for ME as an individual. I say this to say...that I think people confuse what the love of God is. I am saying this with full confidence in my heart: we do NOT love God more than we love people. We do not! Loving God EQUALS loving people. Love your neighbor as yourself was the answer Jesus gave in response to being asked what the greatest commandment is. There was one question: What is the greatest commandment? Not, "what are the TWO greatest commandments". Jesus felt that loving the people God created was just as important to mentioning that loving God is the most important commandment.

My bottom line is that WE are the portals to Christ in each others lives. I believe he physically and literally fills us with himself. We are his body. His real body. When we love each other we are loving Him, in the most literal sense. I'm so sick of hearing people say "I'm so in love with Jesus, I'm enthralled with God's love", and then seeing them be abrasive jerks to those around them. I'm not saying we can't have personal and spiritual experiences with the Spirit of God alone. But I think he is in more of what we do each day with each other, than anywhere else. I also think that an awareness of the literal existence of Christ and an acceptance of his sovereignty (which is commonly known as salvation) is NOT needed for Christ to work. I think that Jesus is in every act of selfless love, even if people don't know that he is. He is God after all, and he does love all people. Why should I be so small minded to think that he can't work ANYwhere? Love changes people, and "non saved" (whatever that means) people change lives all the time. Maybe salvation is one person being changed by the love and acceptance of an individual, and knowing the value of that experience, and genuinely wanting to "pay it forward".

So, I don't want to be the sacrifice of love you lay down on the altar to prove your allegiance to God. I want to be the mercy you're showing out of a changed life, knowing that your love for me could change mine.

bleed

I bled on you, then could see the blood that changed me inside me
And though you saw some gory things, you saw the healing bleeding brings
I wish I hadn’t shown my wounds, but since I did you saw the truth
The pain that shepherds might go through
The pain that love brings healing to
I bled on you, I bled on you
I bled on you, I bled on you