I was there.

Its weird. I bet only 8 people on earth will be able to understand what I'm saying.
For 3 of those people they will be too deep into mourning to relate to me.
Two of those people will need to put their attention elsewhere.
And 2 of those people don't talk to me anymore, because I'm not perfect.
And my last person will be there for me. She'll be there if I need her. But she won't know how, and I won't know how to let her.
I didn't REALLY know him.
I really didn't know her.
I was just there.
And I had to tell her, and I had to ruin her life. My words changed her life.
I feel so weak. In fact, I feel so weak that I can't talk about it in real life, I have to blog about it in web space. Like a coward.
I am haunted by that day. It chases me and haunts me like a dark cloud,
like a ghost.
I saw his dead body, and
I'm haunted.
So I will remember that day; that long, long night; that long, terrible drive.
I will remember the feeling as I walked up the hill, as I changed her life.
As I gave up, and I drowned myself in the last year. I drowned.
I'm sorry.
But I just couldn't handle it.
But I will from now on.
I'm sorry.