memory.

Sooo, lets see....
A year ago today I was put on "vacation" from the job I had committed my life to. I was promised a return.
Vacation never ended.
I really hate how much I remember. I remember dates, and numbers, and and times, and years.
I remember birthdays, and account numbers, phone numbers, etc.
It makes me look creepy. But MOST of it is involuntary! What I CAN'T remember is what I was doing 10 minutes ago, where my keys are, where I parked, why I went in the supply room, what I did last night, where my purse is, where my shoes are...and the list goes on. And on.
But tell me your birthday, and I'll remember.
Jan 1
Jan 18
Jan 13
Jan 15
Jan 18
Feb 2
Feb 9
Feb 12
Mar 1
Mar 2
Mar 5
Mar13
Mar 15
Mar 29
April 27
April 19
May 5
May 10
May 25
May 26
May 31
June 1
June 4
June 6
June 12
June 13
June 29
June 30
July 17
July 18
July 31
Aug 12
Sept 12
Sept 15
Sept 26
Sept 29
Oct 4
Nov 12
Dec 25
Dec 28

These are the birth dates I remember off the top of my head. Its ridiculous. The point of this is to expose what a weird and unique memory I have. I remember stuff like this involuntarily.
I just want you to understand: if small details are involuntarily remembered, what does that make of large matters?
They are haunting.
As far as the large matters go, I remember the weather, time of day, the last good part of the day, the last view, the last touch, the last emotion, the last facial expression. I remember specific texts, and phrases in emails, even conversations.
Okay, the point is I remember. I don't always want to. Remembering gets you stuck in the past.
But my life is really good now. Sure, there are more scars. But there is beauty too. They always go together.
And when you have scars, that's when your people come out. You know who your people are when they love you even when you have scars that change what you look like.
That's what I've been doing the last year: finding my people.
I miss when my life meant being a shepherd at King's Grace.
But I have found new life.