be

do you ever wonder what you are?
not what you are trying to be, or what you can be, or what you need to be.
i'm wondering what i am right now. what comes from me naturally without thought or effort.
its not love, and unconditional acceptance.
i mean sometimes those things come out, but most of the time its because i am focusing on what i need to be or what i should be.
but what comes out with no effort is
irritation.
sarcasm.
selfishness.
and compulsivity.
oh when can i be what want to be.

Remember not, Lord Christ, our offenses, nor the offenses
of our forefathers; neither reward us according to our sins.
Spare us, good Lord, spare thy people, whom thou hast
redeemed with thy most precious blood, and by thy mercy
preserve us, for ever.
Spare us, good Lord.